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goodbyeFriends, I have bittersweet news to share. After months of feeling torn between finishing my degree and going back to work on my family’s farm, I’ve decided not to return to uni next year. This will be my last post.

Phew. That was hard to type, but it feels right. If I’m honest, it’s felt right for a while, but it’s such a big change, and Brainy needed time to come around to it. My future still feels like a big question mark. Although, that’s starting to seem like a good thing. All semester I’ve been stuck thinking that I only have two options: finish my studies or work for the family business. But the possibilities are endless, and that’s why I can’t come back; I need to find out if the grass really is greener elsewhere.

I had a big chat about it all with Ewe-nice after my exam last week. She didn’t say much at the time and just let me talk, but later that same night she sent me a text.

It said: “‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world.”

I googled it, and it’s a quote from the poem “Ulysses” by Alfred Lord Tennyson. She’s such a nerd! But I keep turning the line over in my head, and I’ve realised Ewe-nice is right. There is still time to figure out what I want to do. I don’t have to have everything figured out just yet.

I’m going to work on the farm and save some money for a few months. Maybe travel for a bit. Perhaps I’ll come back to my degree in a year or two. Perhaps I won’t. Either way, I’ve loved sharing my story with you and wish you all the best with whatever you’ve got planned for next year.

If you’d like to follow along with the adventures of some of my fellow (human) students, head on over to their new blog. They called it What Messes with Your Head?, and I think that sounds just about right.

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celebrationI’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I sat my supplementary exam yesterday, and I think it went okay. Actually, I’m pretty sure I nailed it. Seeing the uni counsellor the week before was the boost I needed to get me through.

Not that the past week has been easy. Study always feels like a slog, even when it’s going well, and I was still pretty anxious about the exam. But my session with the counsellor gave me some much needed perspective. I was so upset over failing the first time that I felt I had something to prove the second time around—as though how I did on the sup exam would reflect my worth as a sheep. Which is nonsense! I can see that now, but at the time I was so fixated on the exam, I couldn’t see past it, and even though it was taking up all my energy I wasn’t getting anywhere. I felt like one of those cartoon characters who’s moving so fast their legs are a pin-wheeling blur, but they’re running in place.

Once I took a breath and realised that this exam wasn’t going to define the rest of my life, Brainy was able to get down to work and everything I was reading started making a whole lot more sense. It’s just a shame that I’m only eligible for a pass mark. Even so, it’s a relief to have it over and done with. Now I can get back to focusing on the really important stuff: family, friends, and figuring out what I’m going to do next year. Actually, I reckon I’ve made up my mind about that last one. I just want to sit with the decision for a few more days. Make sure it feels right. In the meantime, here’s to a much-deserved break!

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stopPreparing for my supplementary exam has left me woolly headed. I haven’t been able to shake the sense that I’ve failed myself, and that’s made it difficult to study and to think about my plans for next year. I’ve been giving serious thought to withdrawing from my degree, but I don’t know if that’s because I’m in a bad head space, or if it’s something I truly want.

I realised that I needed some help. Or rather, Ewe-nice suggested I see a university counsellor after she quizzed me for my exam and I got every question wrong. Every. Single. One. How is that possible? Anyhoo, I figured she had a point and made a time to see the counsellor yesterday.

I’m so glad I did! It gave me the chance to talk through everything that’s been bothering me, and that alone was helpful. But the counsellor also walked me through some options for next year and we spoke about where each of those options might lead. It was good to think in the long term. I’ve been so fixated on my exam that it’s left me short sighted. After that, the counsellor gave me some practical tips for study and reminded me how important it was to look after myself: get a good night’s sleep, eat healthy meals, take a breather every now and then. That sort of thing. I’d heard most of it before, but I needed the refresher.

Brainy was much more relaxed by the end of our appointment, and I realised after that I’ve been demanding too much of myself. I felt calmer and more in control during this morning’s study session, and more confident about the exam. Hopefully this was the boost I needed to get me over the line!

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The sun is shining. My friends are partying. And I’m stuck in the library. Ugh, the injustice of it all! Okay, so it’s actually pretty good of the university to give me a second chance by letting me sit a supplementary exam, but it still sucks to be studying while everyone else is off celebrating. […]

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I’m in limbo! This semester just will not end! You know how I was freaking out about my first exam? Well, it’s official: I messed up. I got an email from my topic coordinator yesterday. She’s already marked the exams and spoiler alert: I failed. Forty-eight per cent. FORTY-EIGHT! I was so close!!! The good […]

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I’m only doing two subjects this semester and, after messing up my first exam, I was determined to do better in my second. I studied my tail off, and you know what? I think I might have done okay! At least, I certainly felt much more confident and attempted to answer all the questions. Having […]

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I’m pretty sure I failed my first exam. In fact, I know I did. I suppose it shouldn’t come as a shock. My head wasn’t really in the game while I was studying, and I wasn’t expecting to ace it, but I figured I’d absorbed enough to scrape through. The short answer section wasn’t too […]

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This semester has been such a blur, and I can’t believe we’ll be done in just a few short weeks! But first we have to survive exams. Ugh. I don’t know why they make me so nervous, but I’m getting butterflies just thinking about being back in the exam hall with everyone being all silent […]

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Good news, friends: the Group Assignment of Doom that I was complaining about last week is officially D.O.N.E.! I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have it out of my life! Now I’m free to focus on exams. The bad news is that I got a few assignments back and my marks aren’t […]

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that for every group assignment there’s one group member who doesn’t pull their weight. For our final big assignment before exams that group member is me, and I feel incredibly sheepish about it. Our (self-appointed) group leader keeps organising meetings to discuss what we’ve done so far, but because […]

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