Deleting Tinder

As any single person can tell you, Tinder is a toxic hell-hole full of shirtless selfies and vanity. You swipe left or right based solely on looks (and maybe a wittily crafted bio, but let’s be honest, it’s rarely that important). It can provide validation (wow! That hot person matched with me, I must be attractive), but rarely of the meaningful kind. For a lot of people, it’s a hook-up app, designed for casual encounters and meaningless flings. For the lucky few, there are stories of long-term love and relationships.

I met my ex through Tinder and thought for a moment we’d be an exception to the hook-up culture. I’ve also been on several dates—some good, some bad—and had inane online conversations galore. At the start of the year, recently single after a two-year relationship, I thought Tinder was great. It was easy and the mindless swiping, addictive. Fast-forward six months, and single again and now heartbroken Emily re-downloads Tinder. This, dear reader, was an unhealthy choice (but that’s easier to see in hindsight than at the time).

This time, Tinder reaffirmed in my mind that I would be loveless and alone forever. It was a cesspool, mocking me and my tumultuous feelings. I swiped, and I cried (it’s a slightly more amusing image now, but tragic at the time). My friends told me to delete it. I didn’t. My psychologist suggested I delete it. I didn’t. I knew I was engaging in unhealthy behaviour but did nothing to curb it. It became more than just deleting the app.

Then came the moment of stopping. I went on a date with this lovely guy and had a casual night, and the next day I deleted Tinder. I realised that while the night was great, and I felt safe and confident, it wasn’t what I needed right now. Maybe ever. It wasn’t that the advice of the people around me suddenly clicked into place—I had to come to the decision myself. Sometimes mental health is like that. You have to work at it, and advice that is simple to give isn’t simple to follow.

If you’re enjoying Tinder, enjoy it. If you aren’t, delete it. You can meet people in other ways.

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2 Responses

  1. Steph says:

    I had this conflict with tinder too. I’m bi and my reasoning was that I wouldn’t meet girls I could date any other way. So the mindless swiping ensued and when I wasn’t ok I’d delete it, only to redownload over and over again. I’m glad you’ve found what works for you ♡
    It’s tough to decide to delete something that brings you validation, however toxic that is. You’ll be ok, and thanks for being honest 🙂

    • Emily says:

      Thanks Steph! I feel so much better for deleting it – but of course, if it works for someone else, I whole-heartedly approve of doing what is good for the individual. (I also have no doubt I’ll re-download it at some point in the future, let’s be entirely realistic).